What is your name?
When is your birthday?
What is my name?
Where are you from? Mountain men preferred, southern guys suit fine.
What color are your eyes? Hair?
What color are /my/ eyes? blue _____ brown_____ green_____ hazel_____ purple______
What size shirt do you wear? M L XL Other
If you marked L or XL (or if your shirt is bigger), would you describe yourself as muscular or chunky?
If you marked other, then what size shirt do you wear?
Describe yourself in five grammatically correct sentences.
Do you believe in God? Y N
If yes, what religion do you claim? If you are Satanic, please shred this application now.
Any major drug addictions? Y N
Do you have a criminal record? Y N
If you answered yes, then what would that record include?
Have you ever forgotten your girls birthday or your anniversary? Y N
If you have, then why are you even making an attempt at completing this application?
Would you ever forget my birthday or our anniversary? Y N
If you said yes, I appreciate your honesty. How much of a chance do you believe you now have?
Would you describe yourself as Gods gift to women? Y N
If yes, why?
Would anyone else describe you as Gods gift to women? Y N
On a scale of 1 to 10, rate your prowess as a kisser.
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10
Lets say that we are out on a date, and one of my exes shows up. Would you:
A) Tackle him.
B) Walk off and pout.
C) Eye him and send intimidating gestures in his direction.
D) Question me suspiciously about my feelings for him.
E) Focus entirely on me and ignore him totally.
F) Follow my lead. How I react is how you react.
A guy makes some crude comments about me. Hes a good friend of yours, but you know that I am hurt. What do you do?
A) Laugh with him.
B) Punch him.
C) Tell him he was out of line. If he argues punch him. Later, i.e. when I am out of hearing range, clap him on the back and tell him it was funny as all get out.
D) Tell him he was out of line. Offer to take me home or go for a drive and talk until I feel better. Dont talk to him until he apologizes, except when you beat the crap out of him.
Your ex-girlfriend shows up and comes on to you. Are you:
A) interested
B) disgusted
C) so into me you dont even notice
Did you lie on the last question? Y N
Ive had a bad day. What do you do?
A) Ignore me. Turn up the TV/ stereo when I call, or look at the caller ID and then ignore the phone entirely.
B) Offer to knock out anyone who has ticked me off.
C) Kiss me and tell me it will be okay.
D) Take me out to dinner and dancing. Buy roses and chocolates and tell me that it has to work out, because I am the queen of the universe.
Did you lie on that question? Y N Do you make a habit of lying? Y N
Explain your stance on gender roles in five sentences or lessno more!
Will you call me or do you expect me to call you every time?
Do you understand that I have a life outside of you? Y N
Would you expect me to drop that life the second you call? Y N
Rate the probability that a relationship between us (if we made it that far) would last less than a month.
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10
Rate the probability that you would ever cheat on me. Be truthful.
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10
Do you own a pair of lucky underwear? Y N
How do you like your eggs?
How do you like your chicken?
Whats your favorite:
Food
Musical Group
Solo Artist
Movie
Actor
Actress
Book
Do you read often? Y N
What was the last book you read? When?
What kind of books do you think I would read?
Describe me in three grammatically correct sentences or less.
Did you tell the truth there? Y N Or were you trying to boost your chances? Y N
Do you have a job? Y N A car? Y N
If you do have a car, did you buy it yourself, or was it a gift that you paid nothing for?
In the space provided, please explain why you filled this out and why you would want to see me at all.
I, , do hereby declare that I told the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth on this application. If I did not, then I am a worthless slimeball, no good lowdown slug that should be squished.
Signed,
